{"id":19067,"date":"2021-06-14T12:01:46","date_gmt":"2021-06-14T02:01:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/?page_id=19067"},"modified":"2022-11-04T14:28:10","modified_gmt":"2022-11-04T04:28:10","slug":"caring-for-a-loved-one","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/patients-carers\/after-your-diagnosis-title\/mental-health\/caring-for-a-loved-one\/","title":{"rendered":"Caring for a loved one"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":85,"featured_media":19262,"parent":10397,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-19067","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\nCaring for a loved one - Lung Foundation Australia<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This page aims to arm carers with the tools and resources to\u202flook after their own mental health and wellbeing while caring for a loved one.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/patients-carers\/after-your-diagnosis-title\/mental-health\/caring-for-a-loved-one\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Caring for a loved one - 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In this section, we arm you with the tools and resources to\u202flook after your own wellbeing while caring for a loved ones living with lung disease or lung cancer.","link":""},{"acf_fc_layout":"column_content","columns":[{"column_type":"text","heading_text":"Being in a carer role","paragraph_text":"<p><span class=\"TextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">Finding yourself in a caring role can be one of the greatest challenges you will face. In most cases<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">,<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u00a0these roles are performed out of love for the person\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">living<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u00a0with<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u00a0a condition<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u00a0and rarely carry any form of remuneration. Most people in a\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SpellingErrorV2 SCXW37610271 BCX0\">carer<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u00a0role\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2 SCXW37610271 BCX0\">are<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u2018<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">on duty<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u2019<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u00a024\/7<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">. I<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">t can be an emotional rollercoaster<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">, y<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">ou don\u2019t get holidays, sick leave\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">or<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u00a0weekends off!\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">R<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">egardless of how much you care about the person you<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u2019<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">re caring\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2 SCXW37610271 BCX0\">for,<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\">\u00a0it is not an easy task<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun CommentStart SCXW37610271 BCX0\">.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><span class=\"TextRun Highlight SCXW37610271 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\" data-ccp-charstyle=\"normaltextrun\" data-ccp-charstyle-defn=\"{\">See our blogs\u202ffor more information\u202fon\u202fbeing\u202fa\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/news\/becoming-a-partner-carer\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">partner-carer<\/a><\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\" data-ccp-charstyle=\"normaltextrun\">\u202fand\u202fa<a href=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/news\/the-role-of-a-parent-carer\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> parent-carer<\/a><\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW37610271 BCX0\" data-ccp-charstyle=\"normaltextrun\">.\u202f<\/span><\/span><span class=\"EOP SCXW37610271 BCX0\" data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","button_display_setting":false,"button":{"":null,"button_type":"Link 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class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">prepared for\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">he challenges to come<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">.<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">It i<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">s important to receive this information from reputable sources.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">Our Information and Support Centre can connect you with\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">reliable<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">resources and support services<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SpellingErrorV2 SCXW57813375 BCX0\">freecall<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\"><a href=\"tel:1800 654 301\">1800 654 301<\/a> (option 3).<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW57813375 BCX0\">\u00a0<\/span><\/span><span class=\"EOP SCXW57813375 BCX0\" data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","button_display_setting":false,"button":{"":null,"button_type":"Link Button","link":null,"email":"","file":false,"modal_trigger":"","button_text":""},"background_colour":"transparent","column_image":{"ID":19068,"id":19068,"title":"Worried Mature Couple Checking Finances And Going Through Bills Togethe","filename":"iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","filesize":464338,"url":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","link":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/patients-carers\/after-your-diagnosis-title\/mental-health\/caring-for-a-loved-one\/worried-mature-couple-checking-finances-and-going-through-bills-togethe\/","alt":"A senior couple working on their bills using a laptop.","author":"85","description":"","caption":"Shot of a senior couple working on their finances using a laptop. 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Worried senior couple checking their bills at home","name":"worried-mature-couple-checking-finances-and-going-through-bills-togethe","status":"inherit","uploaded_to":19067,"date":"2021-06-14 01:27:35","modified":"2021-06-15 03:13:13","menu_order":0,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","type":"image","subtype":"jpeg","icon":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-includes\/images\/media\/default.png","width":2560,"height":1848,"sizes":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-150x150.jpg","thumbnail-width":150,"thumbnail-height":150,"medium":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-300x217.jpg","medium-width":300,"medium-height":217,"medium_large":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-768x554.jpg","medium_large-width":768,"medium_large-height":554,"large":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-1024x739.jpg","large-width":1024,"large-height":739,"1536x1536":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-1536x1109.jpg","1536x1536-width":1536,"1536x1536-height":1109,"2048x2048":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-2048x1478.jpg","2048x2048-width":2048,"2048x2048-height":1478,"xxlarge":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-1920x1386.jpg","xxlarge-width":1920,"xxlarge-height":1386,"xlarge":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-1280x924.jpg","xlarge-width":1280,"xlarge-height":924,"header-navigation":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-480x1080.jpg","header-navigation-width":480,"header-navigation-height":1080,"link-category":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-380x256.jpg","link-category-width":380,"link-category-height":256,"card":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-450x450.jpg","card-width":450,"card-height":450,"gform-image-choice-sm":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","gform-image-choice-sm-width":300,"gform-image-choice-sm-height":217,"gform-image-choice-md":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","gform-image-choice-md-width":400,"gform-image-choice-md-height":289,"gform-image-choice-lg":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","gform-image-choice-lg-width":600,"gform-image-choice-lg-height":433}},"youtube_video_url":""}]},{"acf_fc_layout":"column_content","columns":[{"column_type":"text","heading_text":"Feelings of helplessness ","paragraph_text":"<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Many carers report feeling helpless. It is difficult to watch your loved one struggle with breathlessness, chronic cough and other symptoms while knowing that you can\u2019t do anything other than to simply be there. But the fact that your loved one knows you are there, quietly supporting them with your presence, is one of the best things you can do.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><i><strong>\u201cIt is hard for my wife in a caring role, she can\u2019t help me to breathe but just her being there helps.\u201d<\/strong> \u2013\u00a0 Anonymous, living with IPF.<\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","button_display_setting":true,"button":{"":null,"button_type":"Link Button","link":{"title":"Read the blog","url":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/news\/feelings-of-helplessness-in-carers\/","target":"_blank"},"email":"","file":false,"modal_trigger":"","button_text":""},"background_colour":"transparent","column_image":false,"youtube_video_url":""},{"column_type":"image","heading_text":"","paragraph_text":"","button_display_setting":false,"button":{"":null,"button_type":"Link Button","link":null,"email":"","file":false,"modal_trigger":"","button_text":""},"background_colour":"transparent","column_image":{"ID":19068,"id":19068,"title":"Worried Mature Couple Checking Finances And Going Through Bills Togethe","filename":"iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","filesize":464338,"url":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","link":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/patients-carers\/after-your-diagnosis-title\/mental-health\/caring-for-a-loved-one\/worried-mature-couple-checking-finances-and-going-through-bills-togethe\/","alt":"A senior couple working on their bills using a laptop.","author":"85","description":"","caption":"Shot of a senior couple working on their finances using a laptop. Shot of a senior couple looking worried while going through paperwork together at home. Worried senior couple checking their bills at home","name":"worried-mature-couple-checking-finances-and-going-through-bills-togethe","status":"inherit","uploaded_to":19067,"date":"2021-06-14 01:27:35","modified":"2021-06-15 03:13:13","menu_order":0,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","type":"image","subtype":"jpeg","icon":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-includes\/images\/media\/default.png","width":2560,"height":1848,"sizes":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-150x150.jpg","thumbnail-width":150,"thumbnail-height":150,"medium":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-300x217.jpg","medium-width":300,"medium-height":217,"medium_large":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-768x554.jpg","medium_large-width":768,"medium_large-height":554,"large":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-1024x739.jpg","large-width":1024,"large-height":739,"1536x1536":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-1536x1109.jpg","1536x1536-width":1536,"1536x1536-height":1109,"2048x2048":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-2048x1478.jpg","2048x2048-width":2048,"2048x2048-height":1478,"xxlarge":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-1920x1386.jpg","xxlarge-width":1920,"xxlarge-height":1386,"xlarge":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-1280x924.jpg","xlarge-width":1280,"xlarge-height":924,"header-navigation":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-480x1080.jpg","header-navigation-width":480,"header-navigation-height":1080,"link-category":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-380x256.jpg","link-category-width":380,"link-category-height":256,"card":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-450x450.jpg","card-width":450,"card-height":450,"gform-image-choice-sm":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","gform-image-choice-sm-width":300,"gform-image-choice-sm-height":217,"gform-image-choice-md":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","gform-image-choice-md-width":400,"gform-image-choice-md-height":289,"gform-image-choice-lg":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1285526690-scaled.jpg","gform-image-choice-lg-width":600,"gform-image-choice-lg-height":433}},"youtube_video_url":""}]},{"acf_fc_layout":"wysiwyg_content_area","heading":"","content":"<h3><span data-contrast=\"none\">Behaviour\u00a0and\u00a0mood changes<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">It is not unusual for people to experience mood fluctuations as they adjust to a\u00a0chronic or life-limiting\u00a0condition.\u00a0People who feel overwhelmed often become less tolerant, distracted and short tempered. These changes can be challenging.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">If these things begin to occur for your loved one, one of the most effective and helpful things to do is to talk about changes you have noticed.\u00a0\u00a0Schedule time to talk when you are both calm and in a good frame of mind. Acknowledge it is a difficult conversation and your goal is to come up with possible solutions, rather than throw accusations around.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>\u201c<span class=\"TextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\">Carers need support.\u202f They not only have to understand the disease their loved one\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun ContextualSpellingAndGrammarErrorV2 SCXW236894962 BCX0\">has, but<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\">\u00a0need to cope when the<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\">ir<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\">\u00a0love<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\">d<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\">\u00a0one has a good or a bad day.<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\">\u00a0Because you are living with the disease, on a bad day, it can cause you to say some nasty things that may hurt your loved one, which you really\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\">don\u2019t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW236894962 BCX0\">\u00a0mean to do.<\/span><\/span>\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 Anonymous, living with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">Your opening might go along the lines of: \u201cI\u2019m not sure if you have noticed,\u00a0but I have\u00a0seen\u00a0a change in the past few days\/weeks. I know that having\u00a0\u2026\u00a0is\u00a0really hard\u00a0for you and it looks like you might be struggling with some tricky emotions. I wonder if you could let me know when you are struggling so if you snap or appear distracted, I can make allowances and not take it personally\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">Making time to regularly check in with each other\u00a0will help keep relationships healthier.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>\u201c<span class=\"TextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\">Every night I check in with my wife and ask if there\u00a0<\/span><\/span><span class=\"TextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\">is anything\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\">she\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\">wants to talk\u00a0<\/span><\/span><span class=\"TextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"none\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\">about, so things\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\">don\u2019t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW233956287 BCX0\">\u00a0build up through looking after me.<\/span><\/span>\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 Anonymous, living with bronchiectasis.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"none\">Staying\u00a0positive\u00a0and\u00a0grief<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">It is impossible to stay positive all the time. You can\u2019t always stay optimistic and hopeful while watching a loved one struggle with a lung condition.\u00a0\u00a0The good news is there are strategies you can use to help with a positive outlook.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"none\"><strong>Grieving<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/span>The key to supporting someone\u00a0living with\u00a0a\u00a0lung\u00a0condition\u00a0and\u00a0remain as positive as possible is\u00a0to\u00a0allow yourself to\u00a0also\u00a0grieve and be sad along the way. Grieving is\u00a0not just the sadness we feel when a person we care about dies, grief happens when we lose things that are important to us or when major changes happen in our lives. We grieve lost hopes and dreams.\u00a0Feelings of grief and sadness won\u2019t last forever but are integral to adjusting to your \u2018new normal\u2019.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Confront realities<\/strong>: Another trick to staying as positive as possible is to talk about \u2018the elephant in the room\u2019: the disease, fears, realities, possibilities and how you might manage the challenges. Too many carers try to protect their loved one by putting on a brave face and not talking about fears and concerns. In most cases, the reality is that your partner is busy trying to protect you too by also not voicing their worries, fears and concerns. Talking and crying about it together can bring you closer and let the other know that they can talk about the \u2018untalkable\u2019.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","link":""},{"acf_fc_layout":"column_content","columns":[{"column_type":"text","heading_text":"Letting\u00a0your\u00a0loved\u00a0one\u00a0do as\u00a0much as\u00a0they\u00a0can\u00a0","paragraph_text":"<p>It can be hard to stand by and watch your loved one struggle to do something when your first instinct is to rush in and do it for them. However, letting your loved one maintain as much independence as possible is essential for their self-esteem. It might take them a bit longer and may be hard to watch but it is important to let them do it for themselves, for as long as they possibly can.<\/p>\n<p>If you do want to help, ask first if it is\u00a0OK\u00a0for you to assist. Use phrases like \u201cIf\u00a0that is a bit of a struggle, I\u00a0can\u00a0give you a hand\u201d or \u201cwould it be\u00a0OK\u00a0if I did\u00a0\u2026\u00a0for you, it would let me feel useful\u201d. If they say no,\u00a0accept\u00a0it\u00a0and let them\u00a0continue\u00a0with it as far as is safely possible.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>“Sometimes I wonder if I am in a caring role or not, because he doesn\u2019t often want my help. I have learnt that if he says no he doesn\u2019t want help, then it means no, even if he is struggling.\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 Anonymous, carer\u00a0for partner with Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","button_display_setting":false,"button":{"":null,"button_type":"Link Button","link":null,"email":"","file":false,"modal_trigger":"","button_text":""},"background_colour":"transparent","column_image":false,"youtube_video_url":""},{"column_type":"image","heading_text":"","paragraph_text":"","button_display_setting":false,"button":{"":null,"button_type":"Link Button","link":null,"email":"","file":false,"modal_trigger":"","button_text":""},"background_colour":"transparent","column_image":{"ID":19069,"id":19069,"title":"Harvesting Courgettes","filename":"iStock-1278590740-scaled.jpg","filesize":640226,"url":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-scaled.jpg","link":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/patients-carers\/after-your-diagnosis-title\/mental-health\/caring-for-a-loved-one\/harvesting-courgettes\/","alt":"Daughter caring for a loved one while working in the garden.","author":"85","description":"","caption":"Mother and daughter gardening together in an allotment, harvesting courgettes while in lockdown during the Covid 19 pandemic.","name":"harvesting-courgettes","status":"inherit","uploaded_to":19067,"date":"2021-06-14 01:31:28","modified":"2021-06-15 03:12:11","menu_order":0,"mime_type":"image\/jpeg","type":"image","subtype":"jpeg","icon":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-includes\/images\/media\/default.png","width":2560,"height":1751,"sizes":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-150x150.jpg","thumbnail-width":150,"thumbnail-height":150,"medium":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-300x205.jpg","medium-width":300,"medium-height":205,"medium_large":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-768x525.jpg","medium_large-width":768,"medium_large-height":525,"large":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-1024x700.jpg","large-width":1024,"large-height":700,"1536x1536":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-1536x1051.jpg","1536x1536-width":1536,"1536x1536-height":1051,"2048x2048":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-2048x1401.jpg","2048x2048-width":2048,"2048x2048-height":1401,"xxlarge":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-1920x1313.jpg","xxlarge-width":1920,"xxlarge-height":1313,"xlarge":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-1280x876.jpg","xlarge-width":1280,"xlarge-height":876,"header-navigation":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-480x1080.jpg","header-navigation-width":480,"header-navigation-height":1080,"link-category":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-380x256.jpg","link-category-width":380,"link-category-height":256,"card":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-450x450.jpg","card-width":450,"card-height":450,"gform-image-choice-sm":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-scaled.jpg","gform-image-choice-sm-width":300,"gform-image-choice-sm-height":205,"gform-image-choice-md":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-scaled.jpg","gform-image-choice-md-width":400,"gform-image-choice-md-height":274,"gform-image-choice-lg":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1278590740-scaled.jpg","gform-image-choice-lg-width":600,"gform-image-choice-lg-height":410}},"youtube_video_url":""}]},{"acf_fc_layout":"wysiwyg_content_area","heading":"","content":"<h3><span data-contrast=\"none\">Time for Self<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Finding time for yourself is very important. Taking care of others takes a toll, especially if it is a long-term proposition, and\u00a0carer\u00a0burnout is\u00a0a real possibility. A\u00a0great deal\u00a0of research has gone into the emotional and physical toll that caring for a chronically ill person has. The\u00a0most commonly reported\u00a0thing\u00a0that\u00a0carers\u00a0miss out on is time for self-care. Without\u00a0it,\u00a0you will burn\u00a0out and\u00a0be\u00a0less able to care for the person you love.\u00a0Making time for yourself is not selfish, it is wise.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Read more about\u00a0day to day <a href=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/news\/holistic-self-care\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">self-care\u00a0activities<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0recognising\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/news\/avoiding-carer-burnout\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">carer\u00a0burnout<\/a>\u00a0in our\u00a0blogs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","link":{"title":"View all blogs","url":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/blog\/?article_category=193","target":"_blank"}},{"acf_fc_layout":"lead_in_text","heading":"Print resources","copy":"Complete the form below to receive these resources as printable PDFs.","link":""},{"acf_fc_layout":"form","heading":"","text":"","form":13},{"acf_fc_layout":"wysiwyg_content_area","heading":"","content":"<p>Mind Matters was part funded by a COVID Response Grant from MSD.<\/p>\n","link":""},{"acf_fc_layout":"featured_posts_static","heading":"","view_more_link":null,"posts":[{"ID":19132,"post_author":"85","post_date":"2021-05-01 10:42:00","post_date_gmt":"2021-05-01 00:42:00","post_content":"<!-- wp:heading {\"level\":4} -->\n<h4>What to do if you\u2019re feeling helpless as a carer <\/h4>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>When you are caring for a loved one, you need to develop strategies to deal with your own negative feelings and stress. A sense of helplessness is not unusual for families and friends in a carer role.  Feelings of helplessness can be particularly heightened if the carer is result-orientated and used to making things happen. If you notice yourself thinking \u201csurely there has to be something that can be done\u201d or similar, you are more at risk of feeling a sense of helplessness at some point as you care for your loved one.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:quote -->\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p><strong>\"<em>If you are a person who is used to solving problems, then it is very difficult because there are no answers.\"<\/em> <\/strong><\/p><cite>- Anonymous, living with lung cancer. <\/cite><\/blockquote>\n<!-- \/wp:quote -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>There will be times when the best thing you can do is to just stay close (metaphorically or physically, depending on the circumstance) to let your loved one know that you are there for them and available if they need you. This might be as simple as staying physically close while your loved one has a bout of coughing which feels like it will never end; or when your loved one tries to catch their breath after a brief physical exertion. In both these circumstances, the most supportive thing you may be able to do is to just be present, even though it might feel like it is not enough.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Other times, you might not want to accept the diagnosis or trajectory of the lung condition. You might want to find a \u2018miracle cure\u2019, that doctor who can operate or provide medication to \u2018fix\u2019 your loved one. These feelings of needing to do something, and feeling helpless if you don\u2019t try, are common. One of the best things you can do is to simply be there. Hug, hang out and be as \u2018normal\u2019 as possible in your relationship with the person who is living with a lung condition. This is especially important as the more serious, life-limiting lung diseases progress.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:media-text {\"mediaId\":19133,\"mediaLink\":\"https:\\\/\\\/lungfoundation.com.au\\\/?attachment_id=19133\",\"mediaType\":\"image\"} -->\n<div class=\"wp-block-media-text alignwide is-stacked-on-mobile\"><figure class=\"wp-block-media-text__media\"><img src=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1263543059-1024x683.jpg\" alt=\"Family members combatting feelings of helplessness by hugging. \" class=\"wp-image-19133 size-full\" \/><\/figure><div class=\"wp-block-media-text__content\"><!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Never underestimate the power of touch and wonderfulness of a heartfelt hug. It is OK to be close to loved ones when they are seriously unwell. If your loved one is in hospital and has tubes and machines attached to them, find a way to wind your arms around the tubes to touch and hug them; times like these is when the power of touch is most important. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/div><\/div>\n<!-- \/wp:media-text -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Lastly, allow yourself the right to feel helplessness. It is often linked to how much we care about the other person. The thought that there might not be something to \u2018fix\u2019 and still wanting to show how much we care can be excruciating. Like all emotional reactions it will pass, especially if we acknowledge that we are feeling it and that it has a right to be there. View our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=EDsAn_3rk0g&list=PLx5RMZtuxzUS6XD6r-jf6kcB5X2vRf6Uc\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">mindfulness and self-compassion guided practices,<\/a> which can help you to cultivate helpful skills when experiencing painful or difficult emotions.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:separator -->\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\" \/>\n<!-- \/wp:separator -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading {\"level\":4} -->\n<h4>Are you looking for more information about caring for your mental health and wellbeing?<\/h4>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:buttons {\"contentJustification\":\"center\"} -->\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center\"><!-- wp:button -->\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link\" href=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/patients-carers\/after-your-diagnosis-title\/mental-health\/\">Visit our Mind Matters Information Hub<\/a><\/div>\n<!-- \/wp:button --><\/div>\n<!-- \/wp:buttons -->","post_title":"Feelings of helplessness in carers","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","post_password":"","post_name":"feelings-of-helplessness-in-carers","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2021-06-29 10:08:12","post_modified_gmt":"2021-06-29 00:08:12","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/?post_type=article&p=19132","menu_order":0,"post_type":"article","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19126,"post_author":"85","post_date":"2021-04-21 10:09:00","post_date_gmt":"2021-04-21 00:09:00","post_content":"<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p><strong>The addition of the partner-carer role to a couples\u2019 relationship can cause even the most stable of unions to become wobbly. Not all partnerships are \u201cfairytale happy\u201d and supportive; and if your relationship is already stressed, the addition of a partner-carer role will likely add to challenges you already face.  <\/strong><\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading {\"level\":4} -->\n<h4>Role changes <\/h4>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Not all relationships undergo role changes when one of the couple is diagnosed with a lung condition but for chronic and life-limiting lung diseases, especially those that strike later in life, role changes can be confronting. In households with clear role delineation, set chores, responsibilities and rigid images of self, it can be especially difficult.   <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>When someone living with a lung condition has a career or job where they feel respected, in charge and work long hours, they may find it difficult to consider the prospect of retiring early or reducing their hours. Alternatively, a person who has kept house, cooked, cleaned and been the nurturing \u201cheart and soul\u201d of a family may find it difficult to relinquish these tasks and be cared for themselves.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>If you are in the partner-carer role and don\u2019t know how to start the lawn mower, watching the lawn grow higher can be distressing. Not only is it distressing for the person who has never had to do this household chore, but it can act as a stark reminder to the person with the lung condition that they are no longer able to do \u201ceven the simple things\u201d. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Many people derive much of their self-esteem from their work and activities; and when this is taken away, their mental health can suffer. It is a good idea to discuss the possible need to change some of the roles and responsibilities in the relationship to accommodate for changing health status. Discussing these things in advance and keeping the lines of communication open can help to ease the transition.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:quote -->\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p><em><strong>Your relationship changes. \u202fSuddenly you both have a lack of energy to deal with everything. It's important to focus on the relationship and consider early on how it might change and work together to protect it.<\/strong> <\/em><\/p><cite>Anonymous, living with lung cancer.<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n<!-- \/wp:quote -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading {\"level\":4} -->\n<h4>Restrictions and missing out <\/h4>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Depending upon your loved one\u2019s lung condition and where they are in their progression, it will eventually become more difficult for them to do everything they used to do and want to do. Family and friends will issue invitations to different gatherings and events. Sometimes your loved one may attend but there will be times when they won\u2019t be able to accept due to their health limitations.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>This can be particularly hard on the partner-carer: you might feel torn. Do you stay home with your loved one or accept the invitation? There is no easy answer. Each time this question comes up, you will have to assess the situation and each time, the answer might be different. Sometimes you will accept the invitation, sometimes you won\u2019t and sometimes you will accept, then have to cancel at the last minute.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>For family and friends, the uncertainty and unpredictability can be difficult and it might even test relationships. Educating family and friends on the lung condition and keeping them \u201cin the loop\u201d will go a long way towards having them accept and accommodate the needs of you and your loved one.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Finding creative ways to not always miss out can help you both to feel like you are maintaining valuable connections with your circle of family and friends. If you have often hosted dinners or family barbeques yet the stress associated with this now makes it difficult, try asking everyone to bring a plate and to stay around to help clean up. You might be surprised how accepting and willing to help friends and family can be when asked. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading {\"level\":4} -->\n<h4>Remember me? I\u2019m your spouse! <\/h4>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>The time and stress associated with added responsibilities of being a partner-carer can significantly strain relationships. Finding ways to spend quality time together as a couple is an important step in making sure the relationship remains stable and fulfilling. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>The time and stress associated with added responsibilities of being a partner-carer can significantly strain relationships. Finding ways to spend quality time together as a couple is an important step in making sure the relationship remains stable and fulfilling. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:media-text {\"mediaId\":19127,\"mediaLink\":\"https:\\\/\\\/lungfoundation.com.au\\\/?attachment_id=19127\",\"mediaType\":\"image\"} -->\n<div class=\"wp-block-media-text alignwide is-stacked-on-mobile\"><figure class=\"wp-block-media-text__media\"><img src=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/iStock-1027141710-1024x694.jpg\" alt=\"Someone living with lung disease and their carer partner enjoying each others company outside.\" class=\"wp-image-19127 size-full\" \/><\/figure><div class=\"wp-block-media-text__content\"><!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>Finding a minimum of 20 minutes each day, free from distractions and solely focused on each other, is a great way to keep relationships strong. Talk about things other than children and household chores; talk about the things that help each of you feel heard, understood and valued. Keep an interest in your own and each other\u2019s thoughts and hopes. Along with talking, doing other things you both enjoy is fundamental to staying engaged with each other.  <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph --><\/div><\/div>\n<!-- \/wp:media-text -->\n\n<!-- wp:quote -->\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p><strong><em>\"Every night I check in with my wife and ask if there is anything she wants to talk about, so things don\u2019t build up through her looking after me<\/em>.\"<\/strong><\/p><cite>Anonymous, living with bronchiectasis. <\/cite><\/blockquote>\n<!-- \/wp:quote -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p>If you notice that things are becoming tense with your partner, it might be time for some tips and strategies from a relationship therapist before irreparable damage is done. <\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:separator -->\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\" \/>\n<!-- \/wp:separator -->\n\n<!-- wp:heading {\"level\":4} -->\n<h4>Are you looking for more information about caring for your mental health and wellbeing?<\/h4>\n<!-- \/wp:heading -->\n\n<!-- wp:buttons {\"contentJustification\":\"center\"} -->\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center\"><!-- wp:button -->\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link\" href=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/patients-carers\/after-your-diagnosis-title\/mental-health\/\">Visit our Mind Matters Information Hub<\/a><\/div>\n<!-- \/wp:button --><\/div>\n<!-- \/wp:buttons -->","post_title":"Becoming a partner-carer","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","post_password":"","post_name":"becoming-a-partner-carer","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2021-06-29 10:06:44","post_modified_gmt":"2021-06-29 00:06:44","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/?post_type=article&p=19126","menu_order":0,"post_type":"article","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":19147,"post_author":"85","post_date":"2021-06-15 11:28:10","post_date_gmt":"2021-06-15 01:28:10","post_content":"<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p id=\"block-62e19f8d-25a0-44e5-8f69-0971a2407a79\">Welcome to our Mind Matters series for guided practices for mindfulness and self-compassion. In our five episode series, Tracie Story (Social Worker) will be taking us through the following practices:<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->\n\n<!-- wp:list -->\n<ul id=\"block-9223bb36-5a37-45e9-adb0-61c69a584a5c\"><li>Grounding<\/li><li>Body scans<\/li><li>Cultivating awareness<\/li><li>Kindness Meditation<\/li><li>Soften, Sooth, Allow<\/li><\/ul>\n<!-- \/wp:list -->\n\n<!-- wp:paragraph -->\n<p id=\"block-93a64098-7785-43d0-a702-883f25cd0056\">For information about your lung disease you would be welcome to contact our <a href=\"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/patients-carers\/support-services\/support\/\">Information & Support Centre<\/a> on <a href=\"tel:1800654301\">1800 654 301<\/a>.<\/p>\n<!-- \/wp:paragraph -->","post_title":"Mind Matters Series (Playlist)","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","post_password":"","post_name":"mind-matters-series-playlist","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2021-07-01 14:21:17","post_modified_gmt":"2021-07-01 04:21:17","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/?post_type=resource&p=19147","menu_order":0,"post_type":"resource","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}]}],"subtitle":"Mind Matters","disable_header_overlay":false},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/19067","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/85"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19067"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/19067\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":89399,"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/19067\/revisions\/89399"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/10397"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19262"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lungfoundation.com.au\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19067"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}